he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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