Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
