my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
