Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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