i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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