Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
