Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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