fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
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And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
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Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.