end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
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The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
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...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?