at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
this just has baby written all over it
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB