I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??