Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.