I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"