then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
