If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
