Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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