I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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