Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
