I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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