drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
