the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
