Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You did what with his pubic hair?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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