Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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