Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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