So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
