This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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