You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
