Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
