who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
