new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
