Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
