I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
