All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
