I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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