I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
