honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
