We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
