So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
