Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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