my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
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