i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
