I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
