so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
