I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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