Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
