I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
