What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
