The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
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you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
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My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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