I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
