i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
