the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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