you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Are we still banned from the library?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
