Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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