My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
