I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it was like his penis was on wheels.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
