Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
