I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
