he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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