brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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