I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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