A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
