you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
