Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
