i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
