fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
