guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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