he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
