in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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