I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
