You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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