It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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