And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
