I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
