final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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