oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
