woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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