You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
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Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
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pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You are the jesus of drinking
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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