I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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