so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
