Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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