I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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