I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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