I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Pooping to opera.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
