I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
