I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Randomize
